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Showing posts from 2013

The good news: I didn't ruin the party...

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There were some pictures posted online from last night's NY Improv 50th Anniversary party.  I wasn't in any of them.  No, I wasn't being elusive, I wasn't invited.  Ouch.  I would like to think that someone had it in for me or some axe to grind, I fear that wasn't the case.  More likely scenario:  it was word of mouth and no one thought to tell me.  Part of my Invisibilization.  Not since I was frosted for the TEEN WOLF reunion have I felt so marginalized, but more on that later.  I don't do stand-up any more but then neither do most of the people I saw in the pictures.  But I guess I don't talk to anyone as much as I think I do.  Being religious can be isolating, that's without taking into account the raising of a family and having a job and all the time that they all take up.  I'm just sad about it, certainly some of my best times come from hanging out at the Improv (NY, LA not so much) and I dearly love a lot of the folks who were there last nigh…

"Maybe It's Just Gas."

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It started on Friday afternoon as a stomach ache.  I took a nap and when I woke up, I had a stomach ache.  In a few more hours, I had a stomach ache.  I ate a little Shabbos dinner then we went to lie down - just me and my stomach ache.  The only difference is now I'm crying because I'm in pain.  The girls are freaking out because Daddy is lying on the bed crying.
Roll around 10 PM and everyone is going to bed.  "Wait!  You all just can't leave me." Kirby gently suggested I call my doctor.  "It's 10 o'clock, I don't want to bug him." "Charles, you're CRYING." "Yeah, but..."
Here's the "but".  Guys get a bad rap for not seeking prompt medical treatment.  Here's the thing: 1) I'm looking at an ER visit, at least $100 - $150 that I can think of other things to do with. 2) I haven't been stabbed, I have a freakin' tummy ache.  I'm going to sit in ER for hours; and 3) And this one's important …

Her house is still a dream

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Amalia got a $25 Target card for her birthday  She's so excited.

"I don't know what to get."
"Just remember that you really can only buy $22.50 worth of stuff."
"What do you mean?"
"You have to pay taxes."
"Oh man.  That's terrible."
[Pause]
"We should write them an angry letter."
"Who do you suggest we send it to?"
"How about that person behind the counter?"

You know the husband chair at women's clothing stores?  They should have one in the Barbie aisle at Target.  I thought I was going to kill myself.


Order in the Court, the Judge is eating beans...

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I WANT to go to jury duty.  I don't understand why everyone tries to get off.  I would LOVE to be in a jury room and see what happens for real.

I think it probably won't happen unless I learn to keep my yap shut.  Two times in two years, I was the first potential juror bounced from a case.

I work for a law firm and that guarantees me that I'm going to get a special little interview.  This case today was about one lawyer suing another lawyer.  It gets better.  The plaintiff (a short, Napoleanish type guy) went to arbitration on a matter.  When he lost that case, he turned around and sued his lawyer (plaintiff)  for malpractice.  The most amazing thing to me is that he found someone who would still be willing to represent him.

After a uninteresting exchange the attorney said, "do you have any thoughts about this case that may be relevant?"  I did.  And that little voice in my head is saying, "don't say it!"  I said it.

"Well, I don't know anythin…

A doll for my doll

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I honestly don't feel that great about this.  Amalia is going to be 7 tomorrow.  And she's wanted an American Girl doll, like some of her friends have.  For those of you who don't know, i.e., those without daughters, an American Girl doll costs $110.  Not a typo.  That's just for the doll and the outfit she's wearing.  You can buy accessories totaling another $39,000. None of their parents by them the dolls, this is strictly grandparent territory.

I'm trying to remember anything that I wanted as a kid that cost so much.  The Baseball Encyclopedia which was $25 in 1969.  My parents did buy it for me, although by the time they did it had been marked down considerably as it was some time in the middle of the 1972 baseball season.  I was still pretty happy with it.  

Amalia has not been a jerk about it.  One day she said, "I don't know why things cost what they do.  Like for $100 you can buy a barbecue grill which is a useful item.  But a doll is smaller and…

The dirty business

Went back to court to try and get a 3-year restraining order against this guy who harmed my daughter.

The guy and his father lied, under oath, to the judge and to me which, in the scheme of things, is not as big a crime.

I don't feel like rehashing this.

But the judge granted us a 5-year restraining order.

Turn x3, Part 2

There's no more baby.

Not a lot more to say except that we're sad.


Sometimes justice crawls

Things are no worse than when I went in but, boy, that was a crappy day in court.  I should have known - I got a good parking space.

At 8:30, the hearing time, there was no sign of the respondent.  At around 9, the kid's father moseys in.

At some point they tell us we're going to Mediation.  HUH?  What is there to mediate?

I'm alone in the hallway with the father.  I offer a handshake.  He shakes my hand.  He says, "Why would you want to shake my hand?"  I'm a little taken aback.  What I meant was, "look, we're both fathers and nothing could have prepared us for the horror of these last couple of years."  What I could have said was, "you mean because your son is a creepy pedophile and no one in your family has shown anything that resembles remorse?"  I mumbled something like, "why wouldn't I shake your hand?"  Being civilized sometimes feels really stupid.

We shuffle off to mediation where there are two cases in front of us. …

Turn, Turn, Turn

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This week is barely half over and the excitement never ends.  Friday I have to go to Court for a hearing to secure a permanent restraining order against this creep*.  I'm nervous that I'm going to have to speak, that he may be there, that he may even have a lawyer to contest the order.  I talked to my sister-in-law, Liz, who was very helpful.  She's in family law and, among other things, she told me to point out that 1) this has been an extreme emotional hardship for the family, particularly may daughter, 2) he pleaded guilty in a plea bargain but was charged with more violent acts, 3) that, because of his age, he's not registered so that's one layer of protection that we're missing and, most importantly, 4) my daughter is only 6 years old.  She can't defend herself.  She has to know that if she encounters him that she can just tell an adult to call the police instead of trying, in any fashion, to negotiate herself.  I'm sick to my stomach as I write a…

Day Two

Panic..  Nothing but panic.

Now that I've scarred you for life...

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I owe Orly a huge apology.  She's an awesome little girl.


With Six You Get Eggroll

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It's been quite a day so far, some of it personal.  Who can I tell but still keep it private?  I know, I'll put it on my blog.  NO ONE reads that.

Yesterday was Kirby's 44th birthday.  She's now as old as I was when we met.  And I'm as old as her parents when we met.  Like that Twilight Zone Episode where she sees herself on a horse in the future... then in the past... okay, it's not exactly like that.  Last night, to celebrate, we went to MexiKosher and a leisurely showing of Django Unchained.
And today was Kirby's scheduled heart surgery.  Procedure.  Surgery makes it sound dire.  But procedure makes it sound like a band-aid.  Probably closer to band-aid - I'll let you pulmonary experts to hash it out.  She has Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT), which is a kind of heart arrhythmia.  Annoying, not life-threatening.  She was scheduled for a catheter ablationthis morning.  Basically, they zap the offending cellular structures in the ventricle from the ins…