Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Day 3? Day 6? Is anyone counting?

I have been incredibly anxious. My stomach is doing somersaults.  There are a number of things that could be causing it:

1. ANXIETY

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I probably have more anxiety than the average resting person.

2. FINANCES

I don't want to talk about this in general, why in hell would I want to blog about it. I have a new job, which I like okay, but it doesn't pay enough and I can barely make ends meet.  Plus, it's not the kind of work I'd really like to be doing.

3. VISITING MY PARENTS NEXT WEEK

They're old. I'm looking forwarding to seeing them but there's lots of logistics to figure plus we're taking a red eye which isn't any fun.

4. MY WIFE LEFT ME, I'M 60 YEARS OLD, NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME AGAIN.

It could be that.

In the "taking stock of my life" exercise, the best thing going for me is my two daughters and there's nothing else on the list that I can think of.  I really adore them, love their company. they're super nice to me. Through a quirk of scheduling I have Thursday (tomorrow) off and I asked their mother if I can have the girls on Thursday night. Thankfully, she said yes.  Mostly, I'm going to help them with their homework and try to get them to bed at a decent hour.

Here's where I don't do great as a dad.  1) I like their company so I sometimes let them stay up way too late.  Mostly on weekends, but still.  2) If I'm feeling lazy and/or unmotivated I will let them stay on their tablets or computers until their tiny unformed brains explode. I THINK their mother does a better job of regulating their screen time. But I could be wrong.  3) There aren't any vegetables in the house.  I'll go fetch them, and they'll eat them but it's a thing.

After my daughters, the rest of my life could use a lot of work.  For instance, this blog is the most creative thing I'm currently doing and I KNOW no one is reading it.  I don't mean only a few hundred readers, I mean no one.

I will throw some positive talk into the mix one of these days, but not today.


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